His Life Without Her
by iworkwithpens
Summary: She hadn't meant to leave him alone...not this time. Character death.


**Author's Notes: Please readers, don't kill me for this one. Just know that this is angsty and contains character death. If you don't want to read that then don't go any further. And remember Katycat1970 and teanc09, you both told me to post my terribly sad story. You guys might re-think that after reading this. Proceed at your own risk fellow Newsroom fans! I promise I'll try to write some fluff next.**

She had always loved his eyes. Deep, blue oceans that expressed his every feeling. Sure, he could present a gruff, indifferent exterior. Make a sarcastic, cutting comment that would lead the average person to believe he could not possibly care less about what they were saying. But all you had to do was look into his eyes to understand what was really going on inside his head and his heart.

She was doing her level best to keep looking at those eyes right now. He was terrified, she could tell. There was no way he could hide that from her. She had seen the look on his face when he realized something was very, very wrong.

And it had all started so simply. "Come on Mackenzie, we'll get lunch…we'll talk…I promise" he had said. That was all he had to do to get her to follow him anywhere. For the last month she had done nothing but pester him. It could be five seconds to air time and she would whisper into his earpiece "tell me what the rest of the message said." He would just look into the camera and grimace. Sometimes if he was feeling playful, he would wink. But still, he hadn't told her.

And so, on that beautiful September afternoon when he had baited her out of the building with that tempting little promise she had followed willingly. They were barely outside the front doors, making their way toward Lonny's Escalade when the sudden burst of noise startled them. Lonny grabbed Will and practically threw him toward the car. Will had reached for her, but not quickly enough.

Finally, the gunshots stopped and Will could see Lonny making his way toward the prone figure of the gunman on the sidewalk. That was when their eyes met. Will had looked around for a moment searching the area for her. When he saw her sitting against the back of the SUV, she could tell that, for just a moment, he was relieved. His shoulders relaxed and he even began to smile at her. He made his way over to her to help her off the ground not seeing what the deep burgundy color of her blouse was hiding.

That was when she knew how bad it must be. His entire face fell and his eyes…those eyes she had known for what felt like forever…they seemed to die just a little bit.

"Mac!" he screamed, running toward her and falling down on his knees next to her. God, that must have hurt him, she thought. Doesn't he feel it?

"Lonny call 911!" he screamed. "Mackenzie, you're fine. Just look at me. Keep your eyes open and stay awake, ok?"

"Why are you screaming at me Will? I'm fine" she said. Why was it so quiet? She could have sworn she was shouting when she said that, though it barely came out as a whisper.

"That's right. You're going to be fine, just keep looking at me Kenz."

"You never call me that anymore. I've missed it. Can we go inside now Will?" she asked quietly.

"No Mackenzie, we can't go inside. We need to wait for the ambulance, ok?"

"Ok Billy. I'm too tired anyway. Let's just sit here for awhile."

His hand reached for her shoulders. He leaned her forward and pulled her into his arms pressing his suit coat to her chest. That was when she felt the pain. It was sudden and shocking and it took her breath away.

"Stop" she gasped.

"I'm trying to stop the bleeding Mackenzie, just stay still" he responded.

She didn't like sitting like this, with her back to his chest…she couldn't see him.

"Will, stop doing that. And don't sit behind me, I don't like it." She had to make him understand that they needed to _see_ each other. Lonny, where was he? Maybe he would understand.

She searched the gathering crowd for a familiar face; someone who could make Will realize what she was trying to say. That was when she saw Charlie and Jim. She met their gazes and pleaded with them to make Will _listen_ to her. They ran toward her and she listened to Will screaming orders at them, demanding to know where the police were…where the paramedics were. Jim sprinted over toward Lonny and the AWM security guards and listened to their garbled description of events.

She searched Charlie's face for a sign that he would help her. He stared down at her and then looked her right in the eyes and she knew. Finally someone else who understood. He would help her.

"Will, you need to stop for a second. If you've ever listened to anything I've had to say to you in my life, I need you to listen to me right now. You need to let go of Mackenzie. I promise you I will hold onto her and keep this over her wound, but you need to sit right here in front of her."

"Thank you" she whispered to Charlie.

She saw Will's beautiful eyes swim into her view. And she could tell they would never be the same again. She wished Charlie could fix that too.

"Hi" she whispered to him.

"Hi Mac" he whispered back cupping her cheek in his hand.

"Sorry about lunch, Billy."

"I don't give a damn about lunch Mackenzie."

"I'm sorry about everything. And don't say it doesn't matter because it does and I need to say it ok?" she pushed the words out as fast as she could around the coppery taste in her mouth.

"Ok Mac, but can you just stay quiet and rest now? The ambulance will be here soon."

"No it won't Billy…not soon enough."

"Stop it Mackenzie! You're fine."

"Ok. But I just wanted to tell you I love you and you don't have to say anything to that Will. And don't you dare blame yourself later because I know. Ok Billy, I _know_." She felt Charlie press the coat harder against her, but it didn't hurt so much anymore. Oh, Charlie…please take care of him. He won't want you to but you'll be the only one he'll listen to.

She was sure Will was trying to tell her something but she couldn't hear him anymore so she just looked into his eyes. She always thought she could get lost in those eyes. She was glad they were the last thing she saw.

Dying was lot different than she had thought it would be…if she ever really gave it any thought at all. She supposed she had, for just a minute or two in Pakistan, but her only real thought then had been that she would never see Will again. At least she had gotten that chance.

Sometimes she wondered where exactly she was. It wasn't heaven…at least not in any conventional sense. But she got to watch over him. That was both heaven and hell in its own way. There were times when she felt he almost knew she was there. When he would stop himself from drinking too much scotch or manage to keep his temper in check when Reese made some idiotic remark.

But then, there were times she wanted to scream to the heavens for some way to comfort him. She would wrap herself around him in bed while he cried and screamed and clutched a folded quilt she must have left at his apartment years ago.

"I'm here Will…I'm right here" she would whisper into his ear over and over.

Sometimes she thought he was moving on. Jim or Don or Sloan would try to make him go out for a drink after work or set him up on a blind date and eventually after much cajoling he would relent. She would sit there watching him pretend to be interested in what the woman was saying, try to fake a smile or two.

Once, Will had met the prospective girlfriend at a restaurant the two of them used to frequent. He must have forgotten because the minute he got to the place he seemed to look around like he was remembering times past. And then, the blind date had shown up. Tall, brunette and British. She could feel the tension in Will's frame ratchet up a notch. Good lord Don, what the hell were you thinking?

She could tell every fiber of his being wanted to bolt, but he didn't. He made it through drinks and then practically ran for a cab.

She found him sitting on the floor of his shower under a spray of scalding hot water repeating her name over and over.

"Oh Will, please don't do this to yourself" she pleaded, wishing he could hear her.

Charlie did as much as he could. He would go check on him during those times he knew would be hard. Her birthday, the anniversary of her death…nobody else dared go near him during those times. Charlie was the only one who could make Will laugh anymore. It wasn't a deep, heartfelt laugh, but it was something. Usually drawn from a shared memory of her.

Charlie tried...he really did. But it came as no great shock when one year and one month after she died Will followed. He hadn't technically committed suicide. He hadn't been taking care of himself for a year and the anti-depressants and bourbon always were a dangerous combination. This time, no one was there to find him for two days.

"Hi" she whispered.

"Mackenzie?" he whispered back, awestruck.

"You _really_ shouldn't have done that Will."

"You shouldn't have died."

"I guess we're even then. I missed you, you know?"

"You have no idea how much I've missed you. Did you know that Reese's nose makes a very satisfying crunch when he dares to mention your name?"

"Yes Will, I did know that. I was trying to stop you that day. You didn't listen."

"You've been there…with me?"

"Always. Now can we stop talking about death and ACN and Reese Lansing? I sure as hell didn't think he'd be part of our afterlife. I found it annoying enough to deal with him while I was alive."

"Anything you say Mackenzie…anything you say" he told her reaching for her hand.

"Never thought I'd hear those words leave your mouth. This must be heaven."


End file.
